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Wednesday October 29^th – Day 14

We had plenty of time to kill at Will’s place in Cleveland before making the two hour drive to the High Five in Columbus, Ohio, so I spent the entire fucking day on the computer checking e-mail and shit. By the time we did roll in we were still early, so we went down to Magnolia Thunderpussy, this killer record store down High Street so we could torture ourselves by looking at things we just plain couldn’t buy. En route, I  passed  by the fatass warlock and the older dwarf witch, sitting in the same spots with the same cat as the last time I was here, in Salem West, Columbus’ witch store.

The cool venue for the night, the High Five, is the joint with the autographed KISS shit all over the walls. The coolness of the venue, however, couldn’t help the opening bands, which seemed like the ordinary-find-one-in-every-town “shit sandwich” (as Curt affectionately refers to lousy openers).   I know for a fact now (this being my second time in this whacked ass city) that there are a fuckload of fucking freaks here, and the after-party proved my point. Fucking fuuuuuuccckkk. It was chock full of straight-up-faggotry. I sat down next to this fucking cat and immediately asked him what drugs he was on and where I could get them. Then I come to find out Oxycontin was his bag and is…not mine. Then, come to figure out, every fucking hot dude there was queer, and every chick was hitting on me (not that I have anything against fags). After getting fed up with the decision-making process about where we were staying (this went back and forth between a sex phone operator that someone, I can’t remember who, in the band wanted to fuck’s house…and / or the fags we were hanging with’s house), I went to the van all pissed off, just to come back and start doing bad things at 5:00 AM. Next thing I knew I found myself going to some bar down the street that just happened to open at I don’t know what time but it was prior to 7:30 AM…to drink more and scare the fucking locals. Then I found myself staggering back to the house of faggotry @ 9 in the morning, assured of hating all life the next day. A direct quote from one of the aforementioned fags (oops), in regards to Columbus, “This place is about alcoholism. It’s all about getting drunk and stumbling out of a bar.” So why is Goth so big in Columbus? The fag says, “People want to be dead living here. And there are a bunch of witches too.”

Thursday October 30^th – Day 15

Well it’s Devil’s night in Detroit…and I wonder if I should be scared. A result of the riots, Devil’s night in Detroit basically means that people get really fucked up the night before Hell-oween, and run around setting off fireworks, shooting guns and burning down buildings. It’s an excuse for people to raise hell in general. The club was in the hood (to say the least…what part of Detroit isn’t in a hood???) but the opening band was motherfucking Honky, followed by Dixie Witch (yawn), followed by the most groovy Five Horse Johnson, who’s got their “bluesy boogie-woogie” (Trinidad) going on. It ended up being a pretty good fucking turn-out for Detroit Rock City. Some homeless chick was hanging out and wanted to “borrow” a band t-shirt so she could go check the band out without feeling out of place. Out of place? What the fuck? Then she kept asking me if it was cool if she was in the club, because she looked different than everyone else. By the end of the night she was asking me for a dollar. You know what? I don’t have a fucking dollar…and if I did…I most definitely would not give it to your total-bullshit-sob-story-giving-est-ass. Lots of partiers in Detroit…as well as the home/birthplace to/of Godbullies, Thrall, Detroit Cobras, White Stripes and Evil Dead’s Bruce Campbell…not to mention director Sam Raimi.

Insert 5horse.jpg “Five Horse Johnson”

After the show I helped Honky load their equipment, sidestepping a puddle of vomit. I took my photo-op, and snapped a photo of said puddle, while Pinkus quipped, “Here’s my memory of Detroit…puke on the sidewalk”. Then we went and crashed over at Spring and Amber’s pad, watching their dog try to skateboard and listening to assloads of Penance and the mighty Pentagram.

Insert Detroit.jpg “Vomit!”

Insert pinkyedit.jpg “Pinkus Reads the WWAD”

Insert reignofterror.jpg “Reyna Terror Skateboards”

Friday October 31^st - Day 16

Ate at this weird we have everything joint called the Ram Horn, and got back in my home away from home to catch up on some sleep during the seven hour drive to Milwaukee and Buddha’s warehouse party. When I woke up, we listened to the new Keelhaul and the re-release of the first Witch album (out of print up until today…when we received 100 of them from Scott Hamilton, owner of Smallstone Records) with a bonus live track. When we finally got to the warehouse I was feeling really un-Hell-oweeny, as I had slept all day and wasn’t scary looking (only my normal scary self). I had some make-up and an S & M kimono, so I decided to try to create something out of that. My discovery that the warehouse had but one bathroom, with no fucking mirror, combined with the fact that it was fucking freezing fucking cold, however, resigned me to saying (for the first time in my life), “Fuck Halloween…I’m going as a rocker!” The warehouse party ended up being way fucking killer with some bizarre-ass-rocking openers called Terminus Victor. The booze was all free and you had to walk the pot gauntlet just to get in the door. Needless to say, it was rocking. The always scary looking and noisy ass Blackwater was so badass that night I almost freaked the fuck out.

Insert terminus.jpg  “Terminus Victor”

Insert potter.jpg “Blackwater”

Insert milwaukeewitch.jpg “Dixie Witch Scares Milwaukee”

Insert jokers.jpg “A couple of real jokers”

Once the party wound down I got a late-night call from Gary in LOFREQ, a band I book for out of St. Louis, saying, “I know you guys are in Milwaukee right now.” Turns out they had played at the bar V’Nuck’s and were wanting to kidnap me and take me to Chicago early. I fucking agreed. I mean, stay at the Blackwater house in Milwaukee and get to Chicago right before show time? Or head to Chicago in the middle of the night and get to spend the whole day there? Duh.

Insert gary.jpg “Gary the Kidnapper”

Insert lofreq.jpg “LOFREQ”

Well the LOFREQ kidnapping resulted in 3 hours of driving around (we got lost leaving Milwaukee, entering Chicago, and once in Chicago). When I asked who the navigator was I was informed, “You are, you’re the one sitting shotgun.” Fucking great. On top of that, there was no fucking map in the van, or at least not one of Chicago. We went by the Exit Room where their friend was supposed to be (although it was 5:50 AM at that point and I imagine the club closed at 5:00 AM, although LOFREQ claimed it didn’t close until 6:00 AM). In any case, we couldn’t get the fuck in so I suspect they were fucking closed. Then we had to wait 40 minutes to get a room at the Heart of Chicago hotel (which was far from the heart of Chicago) so we wouldn’t have to check out four hours later (we didn’t make it there until 6:20 AM). I kept eyeing Mother Egan’s, a bar across the street (there were some punk rockers waiting to get in as it opened at 7:00AM). Too bad I had forgotten to ask Daddy Claytallica for my per diem before I left Milwaukee. I only had $8 for the whole day in Chicago.

To be continued…